I Need You Like Water In My Lungs [entries|friends|calendar] forgivetoforget [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[Wednesday, October 13th, 2004 at 12:45pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | Blur - Coffee and TV ] The afternoon passed slowly an endless night shame in my soul gnawed by the fear he'll take it out on us I felt the sweat run down my back fear overcoming this day & I ceased to plead little girl was crying, young woman cried for the first time I felt revolt rise up in me face to face with the angel of death I had ceased to fear, I was silent through the blue tinged skylight I could see the darkness fade where is god? where is god now? mercy on my soul as I take in the last site of the barrel of a gun * * * * * * * * * * I watched you fall from the black clouds lighting the sky as you fell I watched your blood spill in amazement I first thought of you as an angel comes to show, you were just like me I pick you up off the ground soaking in your blood I decided you were the one, this was the time I lay you down take my heart split it in two rip open your chest feed you my heart, my love I decided you were the one, it was the time I watched your eyes open slowly I take a glance at you and I decided you were the one, this was the time it was love I fell in love with you * * * * * * * * * * as we fall with our angels in hand, we lose all feeling on our way shattering remorse reminds us of this worlds cold heart crying as we hit the ground back to a cruel reality of hate and anguish as we fly with our angels in hand we find all on our way absolute truth is found all other left behind those with desolate minds shall cry in a wake of their own frailty the truth behold, the truth be told, the truth shall set us free. as we cry with our angels in hand we lose all on our way crippling independance reminds us of who is alone. this world full of those who defy, those who never try, those who always cry. me and you shall run away with our angels in hand the truth behold, the truth be told, the truth shall set us free. * * * * * * * * * 3 more days til the day I dissapear 3 more days till I must say goodbye to you all consequences..there are none my actions final, my decisions regretful 2 more days till I am gone 2 more days till I tell you all I love you consequences are no more my actions are final, my decisions regretful 1 more day for you suck on these words 1 more day for you to deal with my shit 1 more day till I say goodbye consequences, there are none my actions are final, my decisions regretful The last day I see your tired faces The last day I say I love you all The last day I say no more consequences are no more my actions are final, I regret my decision A new day... A new day... * * * * * * * * * * A tear runs down this skin shedding the once arrogant leaving me anew without sincerity i change my whole outlook i embrace my soul, my life with hope of being given bliss so choke on this blood filled bliss trace these scars to the childhood all wrong strangulation by parents I shed one last tear shedding the once arrogant leaving me anew i will never fall down * * * * * * * * * * he said last night was the worst night of his life i laughed in his face its always funny when it never happened to you i told him last night was the worst night of my life he listened, he cared i felt ashamed, sickened, and sad How cruel could i be? What was i thinking? Its never funny when it happens to someone else its only funny when it happens to you * * * * * * * * * * Watch me as i slip away furthur and furthor into the ground watch me cry as you spit on my grave watch me say goodbye as i walk out that door This will be the first and only time.. The first and only time you'll see me slip the first and only time you'll see me cry The first and only time you'll see me leave You forced me out that door without a chance you threw me out that door with your lies you threw me out that door while crying you threw me out that door and never said goodbye I hope you regret this i hope you drown in this i hope you cry from this i hope you die from this you threw me out that door and never said goodbye * * * * * * * * * * day by day i am emotionally destroyed by the desire of his skin day by day the thought of him tears away at me like a bullet through my skin "why arent you dead?" "my dearest why arent you dead?" A beautiful nightmare he is a beatutiful nightmare i commit suicide with every thought i commit suicide with every sight i commit suicide with every breathe... without him go swiftly into the night leave the broken girl behind for the sake of his life go swiftly into the night * * * * * * * * * I cant see past the cold hearts, the cold stares so corrupt, so dark taking in each moment like a breathe of air seeing each tired face like stain glass portrait i will never bow to the likes of you or your kind im tired of this, cant you see through the blind fold? there lies in truth life, nothing more than lies, hate, and fakes this is sickening * * * * * * * * * * The day crept by and the words could not escape him. My hands would not unclench,the anticipation was too much. My teeth would not stop chattering, for his hands would not stop shaking. After some infinite and unbearable silence, he managed to mutter "I cannot change the past! I cannot heal your wounds!".. I never asked for healing I just wanted a face to go along with the name. I just wanted to rip the truth from that cowards throat. * * * * * * * * * * I apologize for all the scars you must carry those unforgiving flames were going to claim you and there was nothing i could do a battle was being had and there was no way to suffocate these demons heated in battle i heard you from the roof screaming "theyre going to do their worse" i would have let you jump i would have let you fly if i believed i was the one to catch you the sky was red and black and the streets dimly lit all the while you burned beside me casting the shadow of a thousand reasons why i am not your savior , i am not your love * * * * * * * The stage lights dont search for me anymore The street lights dont even shine over me when did i become the blind girl lying in her bed crying only now have i learned to take my bow and exit to the right * * * * * * * * Another love and lie, and yet im so drawn to her mysteries,her secrets of the storm. please tell me again, just how did she make rain pour from my eyes? it was magical. she was glorious even in her saddest of moments.and how she moved me, oh how she moved the world. with a glance to the sky and her fist held high, she remebered the love we shared when the moon was full. * * * * * * * * it looks so beautiful out tonight the stars are shining so brightly lets go paint them black and watch the fools run with panic written on their faces. * * * * * * * * * There is nothing but sad eyes and screaming children beyond the confines of ignorance * * * * * * * stand beside me and be my tongue silent i will stay forever silent i will go gold stand beside me and be my tounge forever shall i speak in quiet i will calm this torrent storm with quiet breezes that whisper through this night * * * * * * * * I gracefully bow out with one last kiss This will be the last time i speak of them i swear i'll never love again we kill ourselves for the same old feeling. watching our blood spill in amazement everytime like the first when will we learn that they can kill us forever? * * * * * * * * * * It finally struck me Harder than a blow to the face This was the end This was the last ride our story will not go untold through the darkest hours, the memories we share of our past will shine through Farewell and goodby. Goodbye my dead old friend. * * * * * * * he broke my hand, when i reached out he burned my lips, When we kissed I asked myself day in and day out, "Is he worth it?" now my hands are tired, my fingers are worn from writing all these painful words. Pry this wretched pen from my hands. * * * * * * Every moment with him i am forced to slice open another healing wound. overwhelmed by his touch. Overwhelmed by the sight. my heart skipped a beat. and somewhere in that moment. i found my burning angel. burn bright baby, burn bright. If this is a dream. consider me dead... im not waking. Im not waking. * * * * * * * * You expected me to heal your wounds? you expected me to be your savior? Failure brought onto me. I could not save your fragile body. I'll kill you instead. no more failure to speak of. no one wishes to save the dead. im tied down by your burdon. im freed by your death. * * * * * * * * Now that you're in you're perfect place. I can begin to fall apart waste no time, and trace me the perfect sky love has never been deep enough to actually create. A fake background just for the satisfaction what can I do but watch you fall into the water beneath. what can I do but watch drown in your dreams. your hopes were all too high. I hope you're happy in you're perfect place. alone. * * * * * * * * * * respond to this emergency, if you can I know you're legs are breaking, but help me please respond to this emergency, if you can I know you're neck is breaking, but save me somehow respond to this emergency, if you can i know you're dying, please...help me i know you're crying i am too why can't i save myself? * * * * * * * * * * a simple sorry never brought back beautiful lives How can you promise paradise? How can you say you're sorry? when you've taken my life away visions of dark eyed virgins in troubled times crying themselves to sleep how can you say you're sorry? when you single handedly murdered me... Never say you're sorry * * * * * * * * * * * * Its my dream to forget pain fear only found in your worst nightmares Pain caused by supposed loved ones after all i've been through it still hurts.. I 've put up so many walls and watched them come crashing I've put up so many fronts and had them all pushed aside I've put up with so much shit the fire inside is burning out They said "Just close your eyes, and everything will be all right." whether you clamp your eyes shut or spread them wide, reality still kills i'm breakin, I'm fading, I'm burning out I just need my sun again To keep me burning alive How would you like to need all the time? How would you like to reach for an empty sky? Im breakin, Im fading, Im burning out... * * * * * * * * * a thought of him in stain glass portraits embeded in my mind dreaming of him in black and white i never thought id have my life back in my eyes he is breath taking he has been living in this heart with gun shot holes and still no way to escape i just couldnt let my life go lost in the darkest of clouds or blinded by the brightest days no matter when it is Its always better with him tied to my side post comment

More Random Insane Ramblings [Sunday, October 10th, 2004 at 4:27pm] [ mood | dirty ] [ music | A Perfect Circle - Three Libras ] We sent out the S.O.S. call. It was a quarter past four, in the morning When the storm broke our second anchor line. Four months at sea. Four months of calm seas only To be pounded in the shallows off the tip of Montauk Point. They call them rogues. They travel fast and alone. One hundred foot faces of God's good ocean gone wrong. What they call love is a risk, Cause you will always get hit Out of nowhere by some wave And end up on your own. The hole in the hull defied the crew’s attempts, To bail us out. And flooded the engines and radio, And half buried bow. Your tongue is a rudder. It steers the whole ship. Sends your words past your lips Or keeps them safe behind your teeth. But the wrong words will strand you. Come off course while you sleep. Sweep your boat out to sea Or dashed to bits on the reef. The vessel groans The ocean pressures its frame. To the port I see the lighthouse Through the sleet and the rain. And I wish for one more day to give my Love and repay debts. But the morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west. They say that the captain stays fast with the ship, Through still and storm, But this ain't the Dakota, And the water is cold, We won't have to fight for long. (This is the end.) This story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear, (This is the calm.) Calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath, (We are the mountains.) I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea, (After the storm.) I spoke the words but never gave a thought of what they all could mean, (Rest in the sea.) I know that this is what you want, A funeral keeps both of us apart. (Washed up on the beach.) You know that you are not alone I need you like water in my lungs. (This is the end.) ******* So now we say goodbyes I’m hoping and wishing This will be the last time. Its funny how some thing Like this puts your life In perspective. Then you tell me that losing A friend isn’t so easy. Well, I figured it out, The hard way. The horizon Is my enemy. it paints such Beautiful colors On such a sad day. And I know.. That you are the one.. Painting the colors That only we had Dreamed of.. So now we say goodbyes I’ve been thinking a lot And we’ve never had Bad times.. The stars spell out your name You’re a beautiful person And you’ll never change. The horizon Is my enemy. it paints such Beautiful colors On such a sad day. And I know.. That you are the one.. Paint the colors That only we had Dreamed of.. ******** Ill scream out your name again, and pray your eyes meet mine. This isnt how any of my dreams played this scene out to be. In the movie screens of my eyelids. There, you just kissed me and left me alone. You didnt press for my willingness or long for my crys of pain. Here, you crave a thousand kisses. You want your name whispered into your ear with my hot air.. I forget who you are. I dreamed you wouldnt take long and that my knees wouldnt be jello when you pulled away. I thought if I could just receive you with open arms.. youd find your place inside them and rest beside me. But you always wanted more. You pulled when I pushed and you fought on when I had long given up. There was never a competition with you, but you always won. post comment

[Sunday, October 10th, 2004 at 3:59pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | Fuel - Lo-Pro ] -Twenty-nine Seconds- Your treading water when its easier to sink For only takes twenty-nine seconds to drown To succumb unwarily to the soft darkness of an unconscious mind, you let go one, two As you fake that perpetual smile that never leaves your face Not even as the cold absorbs you, does it falter three, four, five Your suffocating as you fight out a war inside With cruel and torturous slowness you lose to your self no matter how powerful you are six, seven Your brainwashing yourself into submitting to a subtle ebony You can grasp your body as you allow your self to be consumed And feel nothing but icy cold, there is no warmth. eight, nine And you still can't comprehend why everyone sees things through rose-tinted lenses But everything you see is noncomformicly true, so bitterly painful ten, eleven, twelve The seconds fleet by, stop yourself Do your memories hold no importance to you thirteen Compulsively, you try to swim, to take a breath, your afraid to leave Don't bother, your halfway to the end of the road so many chose to travel, your too weak fourteen, fifteen, sixteen The entire world feels clear and hot to you Like stepping into a blistering shower first thing in the morning Or throwing yourself into the hot beach sand after a freezing ocean swim seventeen, eighteen Your candle is extinguished in a high spring wind, quite fighting its hopeless Funny thing is you don't mind any more, as your heart slows nicely nineteen, twenty, Quaint, how your story ends, and it does not matter to you you gave no questions, and asked no answers, how does it feel to end it twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, Breathless from various different varieties of shock, why do you bother to breath You wouldn't mind giving us a fair well consolation, though you shouldn't even bother For what's the point, you can't speak when your kissing death twenty-four, twenty-five, Does it feels like your riding on a demonic carousal As you dance your way down to hell, won't you tell us Twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, Won't you tell to us, the reasons you went through that door Or were you to far gone to have left some peace with those who cared, don't lie twenty-nine The door shuts, and with a whirl of panic, twenty-nine seconds of perfection are over. -Self-Therapy on a Napkin- was always waiting for your promises to form...it never began in the first place so how could it end? it's funny how you told me to keep quiet why'd you have to tell me? now i'm an accomplice to the message you couldn't read blame ___ but you were quick to make it your marionette a life without life prostituting faith simply to make the torture a catalyst for bliss this is not the way to control yourself you tame the control before you kill the excuses now your hands are reeking of twit so you grabbed a pen, wrote something down, and made it real so people wouldn't forget it burns out of the corner of their eyes gagged and beating as if it's breathing hard over the line justifying its life as it dies it's standing there, ready for you to take it i want you to take it, i want you to believe it, i want you to give what you can in that dead tin jar you've got to save your pain and turn it into bliss somehow no matter you'll never get there it'll never fit and you wish it all formed so you could be saved by the miracles thin your presence we never noticed, we never said anything to let you fall but still what does it all mean? when you are too scared to fall and you're holding on just for others your only alibi is something that existed in your thoughts. -Beautiful sequell- -My life- -Take II- Dont trip on the footprints That have walked away from here Brilliant lying eyes Fantastic faking touch Decieving words on paper Ive seen this all too much Dont tell me to believe All the lies Ive heard before Dont paint me perfect pictures I dont need them any more Love is just a game The young choose to play I wont close my eyes Theres nothing you can say Its a beautiful sequell That Im not going to watch -Beautiful Blue Eyes- Beautiful Blue eyes fair and clear gaze upon the world in a far away look Questioning blue eyes asking to be let in asking in such a way only a look could say Blue eyes of time beyond their years knowing things yet to come teasing the past Captivating blue eyes catch a glace and hold it steady let people get lost in your gaze of eyes so clear, time can be told a look could be sold with eye such as those -Untitled- With your eyes alone, you could unravel sensuality within my deepest core. Setting me ablaze in a string of muddled senses and obsucred emotions. They explode inside of me, I feel them and cease to breathe. Unaware of the fireworks that ignite beautifully inside of me within your presence you will no longer remain. I'll unleash this beauty only for you. It will dance around your heart in a chain of color. Surround you and captivate your senses beyond the sheerest of bliss. I send the love of someone like me to someone as beautiful as you. I hope to receive and indulge in your love in return - Forgive to Forget - Going to take my share of pain And leave her screams to echo through the glass room Where she sits alone and sings like her voice is a drug That keeps her breathing back her age Too old, she is, to cry But still too young to die She holds herself close trying to keep away the cold And rocks herself to sleep singing herself a lullaby Whispers beneath her breath how she dreads the music But she keeps singing Screaming her melody for someone to hear Anyone to hear Going to take my share of pain And forgive her addicting voice I almost forget her betraying eyes Dying as they were, they haunt her reflection To when she becomes that young girl again And her voice falls to pieces of anguished cries Leaving her spell to wear off and die She makes me feel weak She tells herself never always She makes me not want to look back Never see ahead to who she might be Afraid she might just live inside me Sing me to sleep Sing me to loss Sing as my pain An overpowering drug Going to take my share of pain And leave her screams to echo through the glass room where she sits alone and sings like her voice is a drug that keeps her breathing back her age Too old, she is, to cry but still too young to die Sing me to sleep Sing me to loss Sing as my pain An overpowering drug The drug that kills me post comment

[Monday, October 4th, 2004 at 2:17pm] post comment

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